It is interesting already to look over this blog and see how I am tracking my creative life. I know that all kinds of things feed into it, even if they are not specifically 'creative.'
1. clearing blocks: changing the hoover bag was important. It meant I could tick it off an internal 'do list', which freed up time to do other things ( how creative can you be if every time you see the living room carpet you think 'I must empty the bag'? that kind of thinking spiral down). And it worked metaphorically: it was a mental/emotional unblocking of a humble kind. I then got down to finishing the NIP.
2. noticing what I see on the daily dog walk: the first acorns falling, the first blackberries, the shapes of trunks and branches, and the feelings that go with these, the sense of freedom in the top field, days shortening in the change of closing time (9.30 to 9.00. and now 8.30) which is good for me, I like autumn, it means new starts and more time inside (being creative). I need to start noticing other things, like people on the train, then perhaps I can write about something other than nature.
3. struggling with time to be formally 'creative' - and space: no obvious space in the new house to paint. But I've also decided that I need to concentrate on the writing for now. and all the knotty issues round that - finding readers, will it get published? does it matter?
Thursday, 28 August 2008
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
Work and creativity
In theory I should be able to be creative at work and describe wonderful new ways of sorting files or tracking payments, but the truth is: this is NOT creative. It's a job. It pays for my house and my independence. I have gone past being creative at (this) work. My creativity, such as it is, goes into-
1. Walking through the park and thinking about the shapes of trees and the light through leaves, the yellow flowers by the small lake and the three white ducks on the branch, sitting at regular intervals. Perhaps I could paint the park at night, with glowing white ducks at the centre of it.
2. Listening to a concert at St James at lunchtime - 3 strings, a tenor clarinet and a 'hang', shaped a bit like a dustbin lid or barbecue (can be palyed both ways up) and sounding a bit like a Chinese zheng. And thinking about my singing lessons.
3. A line of poetry : ' the last time I saw you, we admired your chinese anemones' a poem about Carol, healing, the seasons.
1. Walking through the park and thinking about the shapes of trees and the light through leaves, the yellow flowers by the small lake and the three white ducks on the branch, sitting at regular intervals. Perhaps I could paint the park at night, with glowing white ducks at the centre of it.
2. Listening to a concert at St James at lunchtime - 3 strings, a tenor clarinet and a 'hang', shaped a bit like a dustbin lid or barbecue (can be palyed both ways up) and sounding a bit like a Chinese zheng. And thinking about my singing lessons.
3. A line of poetry : ' the last time I saw you, we admired your chinese anemones' a poem about Carol, healing, the seasons.
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
Not blogging but writing
1. Not getting distracted from main creative projects by smaller ones -
I've found that I can't blog from home, something about allowing cookies. I'm sure I could sort it out, but it suits me at the moment, not to be able to blog from home. It meant I had no excuse not to spend all the whole bank holiday weekend finishing the NIP.
2. Experiencing complete immersion in a creative project for the first time (and some parallels with being at the Reading Festival)-
By yesterday, day 3, I had got into the rhythm, and possibly the 'voice' too. It makes me wonder what else I could write if I didn't have to do so much other stuff like earning a living and looking after my family (what is left of it: I am now down to one daughter, one dog and two cats). It felt normal to spend all my waking hours writing or thinking about writing. What would have happened if my daughter had not come back from the Reading festival to rescue me from my sleep/food deprived existence? We compared our weekends: the only difference from the RF is that I had less alcohol available, oh and fewer men.
3. Thinking about finding a reader -
Today I print out the text, and think about reading it over tonight. Will I feel I can show it to anyone, and if so who?
I've found that I can't blog from home, something about allowing cookies. I'm sure I could sort it out, but it suits me at the moment, not to be able to blog from home. It meant I had no excuse not to spend all the whole bank holiday weekend finishing the NIP.
2. Experiencing complete immersion in a creative project for the first time (and some parallels with being at the Reading Festival)-
By yesterday, day 3, I had got into the rhythm, and possibly the 'voice' too. It makes me wonder what else I could write if I didn't have to do so much other stuff like earning a living and looking after my family (what is left of it: I am now down to one daughter, one dog and two cats). It felt normal to spend all my waking hours writing or thinking about writing. What would have happened if my daughter had not come back from the Reading festival to rescue me from my sleep/food deprived existence? We compared our weekends: the only difference from the RF is that I had less alcohol available, oh and fewer men.
3. Thinking about finding a reader -
Today I print out the text, and think about reading it over tonight. Will I feel I can show it to anyone, and if so who?
Thursday, 21 August 2008
Domestic crises and the end of creativity
1. A series of domestic crises and a sleepless night, and any creative thoughts disappear. I can't remember the walk in the park this morning.
2. I put out with the recycling two printouts of the NIP. Is this sensible? Do I trust my virtual world?
3. Will I be able to write this weekend as planned? how do I clear my mind of impending (and present) disasters sufficiently to enjoy being on my own and writing?
2. I put out with the recycling two printouts of the NIP. Is this sensible? Do I trust my virtual world?
3. Will I be able to write this weekend as planned? how do I clear my mind of impending (and present) disasters sufficiently to enjoy being on my own and writing?
Wednesday, 20 August 2008
Creative teaching
1. I've started to think about my classes this autumn: must get organised and put together courses. I like teaching, I'm looking forward to meeting new students and getting inspired by them.
2. Had dinner with an old friend and talked about writing. I encouraged him to send his excellent story off to www.eastoftheweb. Today he e-mails to say he has taken the plunge. Or is it more like tombstoning that first time?
3. having a busy busy day at work and no time for creative thoughts. I almost forgot to do this. Now off to see the Wyndham Lewis portraits at the NPG: hope I'm not too tired to take them in.
2. Had dinner with an old friend and talked about writing. I encouraged him to send his excellent story off to www.eastoftheweb. Today he e-mails to say he has taken the plunge. Or is it more like tombstoning that first time?
3. having a busy busy day at work and no time for creative thoughts. I almost forgot to do this. Now off to see the Wyndham Lewis portraits at the NPG: hope I'm not too tired to take them in.
Tuesday, 19 August 2008
Singing in the rain
1. Yes, I've booked some singing lessons. It's part of the research project -what do I mean by 'voice'? I realised I'd always wanted to sing - and the reasons I don't sing are:
lack of confidence, worrying about being out of tune, my little sister telling me years ago when I sang in the primary school choir that I sang too loudly (and out of tune?)
2. This led me on to other problems with 'voice': I don't like speaking up in meetings in case I say 'the wrong thing' and make an idiot of myself. Under this is a deep lack of confidence in myself, especially at work.
3. And yes, it's also a lack of confidence in my writing voice. They are all linked together. How can you have a 'voice' as a writer if you are not confident in yourself as a person? So the idea is: face some of these fears, book some singing lessons! I'll let you know what happens...
lack of confidence, worrying about being out of tune, my little sister telling me years ago when I sang in the primary school choir that I sang too loudly (and out of tune?)
2. This led me on to other problems with 'voice': I don't like speaking up in meetings in case I say 'the wrong thing' and make an idiot of myself. Under this is a deep lack of confidence in myself, especially at work.
3. And yes, it's also a lack of confidence in my writing voice. They are all linked together. How can you have a 'voice' as a writer if you are not confident in yourself as a person? So the idea is: face some of these fears, book some singing lessons! I'll let you know what happens...
Monday, 18 August 2008
Creativity private and public
1. I've been thinking about why this blog works: it's private but could become public if I so decided to tell others. This liminal place suits me. I was very pleased to see in Sarah's blog last week the phrase 'writing is what makes us writers' not the being published bit, though that certainly helps. I was delighted to see my poem in the Folio last week, though I couldn't actually bring myself to read it. All I could think was that I should have changed the last line, rather than revelling in all the other lines.
2. Still on the theme of getting published... been looking up agents now that the NIP is almost there. I worked on it all day on Saturday, read it through, and made some lingering decisions that have been holding me up (but also keeping options open). I'm not going to anguish any longer, just get it finished and off. There's all the time in the world to fiddle with it after that.
3. And so with the ending of a major project comes the question what next? and there are other projects all lined up behind it. I want to concentrate on stories for the rest of the year, but then there's the 'Blue Azaleas' to revise, the Slovak novel, the garden one to do...oh, and another idea I'll tell you about tomorrow.
2. Still on the theme of getting published... been looking up agents now that the NIP is almost there. I worked on it all day on Saturday, read it through, and made some lingering decisions that have been holding me up (but also keeping options open). I'm not going to anguish any longer, just get it finished and off. There's all the time in the world to fiddle with it after that.
3. And so with the ending of a major project comes the question what next? and there are other projects all lined up behind it. I want to concentrate on stories for the rest of the year, but then there's the 'Blue Azaleas' to revise, the Slovak novel, the garden one to do...oh, and another idea I'll tell you about tomorrow.
Friday, 15 August 2008
Liminal states
More thoughts on why I've been less creative recently -
1. An interesting piece on Jeanette Winterson's site, about how creativity is linked to being 'open'. I realise I've been concentrating on surviving, and I have closed down to many things that were feeding me. How do I open up again?
2. She also talks about creativity thriving in 'liminal states' -
There’s a common myth that creativity is linked to dark states and depression; it isn’t anything like as simple as that. I think it is to do with being open, which you have to be if you want to be honest in your work, and it is to do with the liminal state of creativity – a place that happens on the cusp or the boundary of two worlds and is exhausting, exhilarating, but also frightening, and full of shapes that are unknown.
And that's the problem really- because we long for stability, and need a certain amount of routine for being creative, but if we lose this ability to be homest and on the cusp, then the creativity goes.
3. It reminded me of a poem I wrote early in the MA about liminal places - beaches, hearths and celtic myth. It never worked, but maybe I understand it now. I knew that I had to put myself on the boundary of two worlds, and I knew it would be a risk. I wrote another poem around that time called 'Apple', about Eve daring to snatch the apple. She wasn't tricked, she wanted to bring about change.
1. An interesting piece on Jeanette Winterson's site, about how creativity is linked to being 'open'. I realise I've been concentrating on surviving, and I have closed down to many things that were feeding me. How do I open up again?
2. She also talks about creativity thriving in 'liminal states' -
There’s a common myth that creativity is linked to dark states and depression; it isn’t anything like as simple as that. I think it is to do with being open, which you have to be if you want to be honest in your work, and it is to do with the liminal state of creativity – a place that happens on the cusp or the boundary of two worlds and is exhausting, exhilarating, but also frightening, and full of shapes that are unknown.
And that's the problem really- because we long for stability, and need a certain amount of routine for being creative, but if we lose this ability to be homest and on the cusp, then the creativity goes.
3. It reminded me of a poem I wrote early in the MA about liminal places - beaches, hearths and celtic myth. It never worked, but maybe I understand it now. I knew that I had to put myself on the boundary of two worlds, and I knew it would be a risk. I wrote another poem around that time called 'Apple', about Eve daring to snatch the apple. She wasn't tricked, she wanted to bring about change.
Thursday, 14 August 2008
Secret blogging
I am enjoying keeping this secret blog. It means I can forget about readers and concentrate on finding what I have to say and how I want to say it. I don't want it to become a straightjacket like last time (with all the madness that comes with that image). I don't want this blog to become something else I have to do. There is no fun in that.
My three things for today:
1. making fairy cakes last night for B's friend Helen who is 17 today, and yes, they still appreciate fairy cakes. I wanted to put the more visually satisfying red cherries on top of the white icing but B chose pastel sprinkles. I let her have her way: I can always sneak the cherries out of the pot.
2. reading 'The Reluctant Fundamentalist': a very powerful monologue (similar to 'Embers'). I can hardly put it down, the voice is so strong and compelling. I'd like to try something like this: maybe for the garden story I've been thinking about
3. walking the dog in the park and thinking about the body: how all that poetry I wrote came from a time when I'd reconnected with my body, and now I've lost it again. Time to do swimming, dancing, singing...
My three things for today:
1. making fairy cakes last night for B's friend Helen who is 17 today, and yes, they still appreciate fairy cakes. I wanted to put the more visually satisfying red cherries on top of the white icing but B chose pastel sprinkles. I let her have her way: I can always sneak the cherries out of the pot.
2. reading 'The Reluctant Fundamentalist': a very powerful monologue (similar to 'Embers'). I can hardly put it down, the voice is so strong and compelling. I'd like to try something like this: maybe for the garden story I've been thinking about
3. walking the dog in the park and thinking about the body: how all that poetry I wrote came from a time when I'd reconnected with my body, and now I've lost it again. Time to do swimming, dancing, singing...
Wednesday, 13 August 2008
The second day
1. Today I can look back and say that one of my creative things yesterday was starting this blog.
2. Could I argue that another thing was emptying the hoover bag after (???) months? Would this would fit Twyla Tharp's definition of creativity? It was certainly very satisfying to get this done, but no, not really creative, but it did involve a shift of focus, from 'there is a strange smell coming from the hoover and a lack of enthusiasm to shift the dog hair' to 'there is a solution and I am going to do this now!' Plus I now have a lovely deep red Afghan carpet again.
OK, still not 'creative' - because all I had to do with fix on a new bag, rather than design one from newspaper. I didn't find a new solution, or do anything I hadn't done before, but I am still feeling very pleased with myself. Of course I know the truly creative person would never ever empty their own hoover bag, or even own a hoover. I've got a long way to go.
3. Putting a plant on my desk. It's been shivering on the window sill over the air conditioning vent for months now. This morning I noticed it and empathised. I hope it will now produce blue flowers for me.
2. Could I argue that another thing was emptying the hoover bag after (???) months? Would this would fit Twyla Tharp's definition of creativity? It was certainly very satisfying to get this done, but no, not really creative, but it did involve a shift of focus, from 'there is a strange smell coming from the hoover and a lack of enthusiasm to shift the dog hair' to 'there is a solution and I am going to do this now!' Plus I now have a lovely deep red Afghan carpet again.
OK, still not 'creative' - because all I had to do with fix on a new bag, rather than design one from newspaper. I didn't find a new solution, or do anything I hadn't done before, but I am still feeling very pleased with myself. Of course I know the truly creative person would never ever empty their own hoover bag, or even own a hoover. I've got a long way to go.
3. Putting a plant on my desk. It's been shivering on the window sill over the air conditioning vent for months now. This morning I noticed it and empathised. I hope it will now produce blue flowers for me.
Tuesday, 12 August 2008
Because creativity is good for us...so why do I never find the time?
I have finally got round to starting another blog. The last one, chickenlit, was great fun, though it was hard to carry on after the fox ate all the chickens. But that was then and here is now: no more chickens, and a new idea - I'm going to track my life this time, and in particular my creative life, which I think needs fattening up. So following on from Clare's brilliant idea I'm going to think of three creative things each day: creative thoughts, ideas, writing, different ways of doing things... the whole idea being to see what happens.
Today's three creative things- an idea for a painting, a question about creative life, and something I should do today
1. looking at the view of the spire of the local church from my window, and thinking how much more dramatic it might be at angle rather than straight up. I mean, if I were to paint it...
2. on the way to the traffic lights, glimpsing through a window a large painting of a nude against a dark background, diagonal across the canvas (see above). Who painted her? Does she live in that house?
3. looking over the new start to my NIP (novel in progress) to see if the voice is any better than before.
Today's three creative things- an idea for a painting, a question about creative life, and something I should do today
1. looking at the view of the spire of the local church from my window, and thinking how much more dramatic it might be at angle rather than straight up. I mean, if I were to paint it...
2. on the way to the traffic lights, glimpsing through a window a large painting of a nude against a dark background, diagonal across the canvas (see above). Who painted her? Does she live in that house?
3. looking over the new start to my NIP (novel in progress) to see if the voice is any better than before.
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