Last night I went to a performance poetry event in the Purcell Room- the finale of a three year BC project to encourage young poets in South Asia. If this were a public blog I'd put a link here to the RFH website and this Poetry International week. But as it is private I'm going to try to pull out three creative things:
1. Meeting up with old friends and colleagues - being reminded of creative things I have organised in the past. Just because my present job is so dull doesn't mean I can't be creative again in the future.
2. Watching these poets from Vietnam, Taiwan, Malaysia, the Phillippines and the UK (via Guyana in one case) was inspiring - it wasn't all brilliant but it was new. It was more about the voice than the usual poetry reading - something to think about for the thesis. A new way of helping others find their voices.
3. I found myself thinking, could I do this? should I? I quickly told myself 'no' - and threw in a sobering memory of a drama class gone badly wrong - but the idea is there. Perhaps, one day, in a different life...
Friday, 31 October 2008
Thursday, 30 October 2008
Well now you know
It's been two weeks since I last blogged. This is proof again that any kind of internal, creative life cannot be expressed , even in 5 minute blogs, if there are too many external pressures - in my case work and a nasty flu type bug that hung around far too long. I haven't even had time to think about my blog - this state of emergency cannot continue. I promise to myself that I will do a daily blog and kick start my creative life (I drive an automatic). No point in doing a boring blog though (and at some point this will turn from private to public) so can I find anything creative inside me at all?
1. I have been noticing summer turning into winter on my daily dog walks. I don't turn these into words (could be because I'm too busy thinking 'bitch coming into view, turn left quickly and distract with stick'), but I do appreciate the visual images. Maybe I should aim to capture one of these in words each morning.
2. When I changed the hands on my alarm clock, watch and kitchen clock I remembered other autumns in the days before digital clocks. Rituals bring up memories. I've bought my pumpkin to carve as usual, though in my childhood it would have been a swede, much harder to carve and smellier even if the faces were more distinctive (because harder to carve).
3. I started 2 paintings last weekend- one was supposed to be my farewell to twenty years commuting to work, and it didn't work. Canvas too big, not thought through, too squarey. But the other did: not planned or thought about at all. In oils, my blue hungarian jug and a bunch of pink and purple hebes and white something or others from the second blossoming in my front garden. I discovered a nice X shape with the diagional of the table top crossing the diagonal of the branches. I should finish it.
1. I have been noticing summer turning into winter on my daily dog walks. I don't turn these into words (could be because I'm too busy thinking 'bitch coming into view, turn left quickly and distract with stick'), but I do appreciate the visual images. Maybe I should aim to capture one of these in words each morning.
2. When I changed the hands on my alarm clock, watch and kitchen clock I remembered other autumns in the days before digital clocks. Rituals bring up memories. I've bought my pumpkin to carve as usual, though in my childhood it would have been a swede, much harder to carve and smellier even if the faces were more distinctive (because harder to carve).
3. I started 2 paintings last weekend- one was supposed to be my farewell to twenty years commuting to work, and it didn't work. Canvas too big, not thought through, too squarey. But the other did: not planned or thought about at all. In oils, my blue hungarian jug and a bunch of pink and purple hebes and white something or others from the second blossoming in my front garden. I discovered a nice X shape with the diagional of the table top crossing the diagonal of the branches. I should finish it.
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
Creativity bites the dust
!. when I am so busy I can't even think, no time to be, while I am juggling 5 jobs, a daughter, a dog and 2 cats (also a broken oven, a jammed lock, a broken marriage, a jammed career etc)
2. when I am too tired to read on the train. And the window has been shattered into mosaic so I can't look out either.
3. when my best thought is to put the bin outside on the days we are both out so that we don't come in late and find well licked rubbish all over the floor and a guilty looking dog.
2. when I am too tired to read on the train. And the window has been shattered into mosaic so I can't look out either.
3. when my best thought is to put the bin outside on the days we are both out so that we don't come in late and find well licked rubbish all over the floor and a guilty looking dog.
Thursday, 2 October 2008
Catching fluff-puffs
I remember that scene in Amarcord (?) when the whole of the screen is full of fluff-puffs and people admiring them. I am walking past some rosebay willowherb, all white and fluffy, while some of them blow over the path; and then later in the top filed, the sky is suddenly full of yellow leaves from the oak trees. Here are three I caught earlier:
1. the name of a blog that caught my eye - 'rockpool in my kitchen'.
2. a long thin picture - journey home, with all the icons from my daily commute: tunnel under the downs, lavender field, Tonbridge lakes, cemetery, canary wharf, dome, eye, river. Find a plank of wood?
3. I glimpse a patch of wallpaper on my way back from the park, Morris's squirrel and remember that story idea about William Morris: do it in 2 voices and Jane's response to them both.
1. the name of a blog that caught my eye - 'rockpool in my kitchen'.
2. a long thin picture - journey home, with all the icons from my daily commute: tunnel under the downs, lavender field, Tonbridge lakes, cemetery, canary wharf, dome, eye, river. Find a plank of wood?
3. I glimpse a patch of wallpaper on my way back from the park, Morris's squirrel and remember that story idea about William Morris: do it in 2 voices and Jane's response to them both.
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
Creativity in Autumn
For me creativity and autumn go together: in the summer I feel I should be outside doing something, and when I go outside I get hot and dreamy but not productive. Autumn is full of colour (painting ideas), and long hours inside while it rains. You don't have to plan holidays like you do in the spring, and christmas is months away. No excuses then.
1. I had a tutorial about my PhD - now I've got a proposal and a plan. And an excuse to do new writing - though I will keep tinkering with the NIP. Like an old car, it might work one day when I've replaced every part.
2. I taught my first class of the term: we discussed voice, and the importance of trying other voices in the search for your own. We looked at Queneau's Elements of Style. Created a story for your group and tried writing it in different voices.
3. Went to hear some singing at lunch time and jotted down notes as I listened. I can feel ideas flowing under the glacier. If only I wasn't at work. I have scribbled down some notes though...
1. I had a tutorial about my PhD - now I've got a proposal and a plan. And an excuse to do new writing - though I will keep tinkering with the NIP. Like an old car, it might work one day when I've replaced every part.
2. I taught my first class of the term: we discussed voice, and the importance of trying other voices in the search for your own. We looked at Queneau's Elements of Style. Created a story for your group and tried writing it in different voices.
3. Went to hear some singing at lunch time and jotted down notes as I listened. I can feel ideas flowing under the glacier. If only I wasn't at work. I have scribbled down some notes though...
Thursday, 25 September 2008
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
How did it happen?
I had an idea for a story on the train home yesterday. more than an idea - a voice, and it was strong enough for me to scribble a page or so when I got into bed. I was too tired to write the whole thing in a wonderful inspired gush! someone once said that was the only way to write a story - I think I haven't written one since. So, how did it happen?
1. I heard Ann Enright read a story at the Small Wonder Festival at the weekend. I also heard William Trevor and a story by Richard Yates (read by Lionel Shriver but still a man's story and a man's voice). This gave me a voice (an outraged wife), a structure (she forgives him), a start (the death of the girl he's been having an affair with).
2. This is not what I'm going to write about, but it is about a couple, relationship breakdown, my own breakdown and how my husband dealt with it. I haven't written about this yet but I have been thinking about it a lot. Maybe it's time now.
3. I sent off a chunk of my novel to my supervisor on Monday. Maybe this symbolic expulsion has freed up the next writing project.
Or is it some mysterious combination of all three?
1. I heard Ann Enright read a story at the Small Wonder Festival at the weekend. I also heard William Trevor and a story by Richard Yates (read by Lionel Shriver but still a man's story and a man's voice). This gave me a voice (an outraged wife), a structure (she forgives him), a start (the death of the girl he's been having an affair with).
2. This is not what I'm going to write about, but it is about a couple, relationship breakdown, my own breakdown and how my husband dealt with it. I haven't written about this yet but I have been thinking about it a lot. Maybe it's time now.
3. I sent off a chunk of my novel to my supervisor on Monday. Maybe this symbolic expulsion has freed up the next writing project.
Or is it some mysterious combination of all three?
Tuesday, 23 September 2008
Trust the process
I've been reading Trust the Process, an artist's guide to letting go, by Shaun McNiff.
1. Be childlike. Play, experiment, make mistakes.
2. Process not product. Too much worry about the product inhibits the process.
3. Move between worlds - if you are a writer, draw; if you are an artist sing.
1. Be childlike. Play, experiment, make mistakes.
2. Process not product. Too much worry about the product inhibits the process.
3. Move between worlds - if you are a writer, draw; if you are an artist sing.
Monday, 22 September 2008
Catching up
Yes, I have let this slip. I let last week's creative life drown with work.
And to do this from home I have to ennable my cookies (now there's an image - gingerbread men on the ramage). Which I should do, of course. I need to do this every day if I'm to get a picture of the whole week and where the black holes are. Or rather, where the new stars and planets are. That's positive thinking. here are my constant sources of solace and imagery:
1. Walking in the park- there are always some creative stirrings. Odd words found dangling on trees. A line of poetry flying over the lake. A quick sketch of cobwebs strung with dewdrops. The moon tossed up over the spire of St Peters. Trees and their shadows.
2. My garden- I know it's a humble courtyard but there is creativity there if I take the time to look. Colours: the reds and pinks of the hibiscus, oleander, bottlebrush and geraniums with their rusty leaves; yellow fig leaves; orange passionfruit. Different greens of bamboo, bay and fatsia. Tomatoes (I ate those yesterday!)
3. On the days I go to London, the lake just past Tonbridge - a quiet pool reflecting the wide sky of the water meadows, fringed with willows, patterned by geese.
And to do this from home I have to ennable my cookies (now there's an image - gingerbread men on the ramage). Which I should do, of course. I need to do this every day if I'm to get a picture of the whole week and where the black holes are. Or rather, where the new stars and planets are. That's positive thinking. here are my constant sources of solace and imagery:
1. Walking in the park- there are always some creative stirrings. Odd words found dangling on trees. A line of poetry flying over the lake. A quick sketch of cobwebs strung with dewdrops. The moon tossed up over the spire of St Peters. Trees and their shadows.
2. My garden- I know it's a humble courtyard but there is creativity there if I take the time to look. Colours: the reds and pinks of the hibiscus, oleander, bottlebrush and geraniums with their rusty leaves; yellow fig leaves; orange passionfruit. Different greens of bamboo, bay and fatsia. Tomatoes (I ate those yesterday!)
3. On the days I go to London, the lake just past Tonbridge - a quiet pool reflecting the wide sky of the water meadows, fringed with willows, patterned by geese.
Monday, 15 September 2008
Creative update
Time for a creativity check.
1. I go to Milton Keynes for an OU new tutor briefing, and meet up with 2 old friends from my MA. We find that just about everyone in our group has finished the novel they started during the course: it has taken all of us 3 years to get to the end of the first draft, and our bottom drawers are bulging. One brave soul is drafting letters to agents. The others are thinking mmmm, maybe time to start another one and learn from our mistakes.
2. I dream last night that I have sent out my novel, and it comes back (read!) but with the criticism that there isn't enough of a narrative thread. My dream is right. I start reading the Book Thief and think how he has linked the disparate sections: maybe I can knit mine together closer and strengthen it.
3. The new OU course is all about making our fiction more dramatic - I am looking forward to learning through teaching.
1. I go to Milton Keynes for an OU new tutor briefing, and meet up with 2 old friends from my MA. We find that just about everyone in our group has finished the novel they started during the course: it has taken all of us 3 years to get to the end of the first draft, and our bottom drawers are bulging. One brave soul is drafting letters to agents. The others are thinking mmmm, maybe time to start another one and learn from our mistakes.
2. I dream last night that I have sent out my novel, and it comes back (read!) but with the criticism that there isn't enough of a narrative thread. My dream is right. I start reading the Book Thief and think how he has linked the disparate sections: maybe I can knit mine together closer and strengthen it.
3. The new OU course is all about making our fiction more dramatic - I am looking forward to learning through teaching.
Thursday, 11 September 2008
When it's hard to be creative
To add to my series of posts last week about barriers to creativity - I confirm that it's hard to be creative when I am busy at work doing boring stuff, when there is little free time, limited stimulation - and all I want to do is sleep. Issues that go round and round my head take up all my remaining 'brain' time. Glimmers I have noticed this week...
1. Time in a meeting when I was suppsoed to be taking notes and drifted off - I listed some ideas for poems, but couldn't catch any opening lines. But better than nothing.
2. Watching TV documentaries that I wasn't expecting ie one about old boats being dredged up from the Thames, another about brain surgery or gifted children not fulfilling their potential. They have to be documentaries ie someone has already structured some kind of narrative.
3. Walking round the Courtauld, seeing the Cezannes and the other pictures. Reading the notes beside the pictures in the exhibition, catching ideas and playing with them a little, seeing if there is potential.
1. Time in a meeting when I was suppsoed to be taking notes and drifted off - I listed some ideas for poems, but couldn't catch any opening lines. But better than nothing.
2. Watching TV documentaries that I wasn't expecting ie one about old boats being dredged up from the Thames, another about brain surgery or gifted children not fulfilling their potential. They have to be documentaries ie someone has already structured some kind of narrative.
3. Walking round the Courtauld, seeing the Cezannes and the other pictures. Reading the notes beside the pictures in the exhibition, catching ideas and playing with them a little, seeing if there is potential.
Thursday, 4 September 2008
Wednesday, 3 September 2008
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
Monday, 1 September 2008
3 poem ideas
1. Special Needs Night at the Baths
2. letting go is very hard to do/they say it's easy but it ain't (might rhyme with faint!)
3. the starling singing all the sounds from the farm that has gone - the tractor, generator, chickens etc
2. letting go is very hard to do/they say it's easy but it ain't (might rhyme with faint!)
3. the starling singing all the sounds from the farm that has gone - the tractor, generator, chickens etc
Thursday, 28 August 2008
Tracking my creative life
It is interesting already to look over this blog and see how I am tracking my creative life. I know that all kinds of things feed into it, even if they are not specifically 'creative.'
1. clearing blocks: changing the hoover bag was important. It meant I could tick it off an internal 'do list', which freed up time to do other things ( how creative can you be if every time you see the living room carpet you think 'I must empty the bag'? that kind of thinking spiral down). And it worked metaphorically: it was a mental/emotional unblocking of a humble kind. I then got down to finishing the NIP.
2. noticing what I see on the daily dog walk: the first acorns falling, the first blackberries, the shapes of trunks and branches, and the feelings that go with these, the sense of freedom in the top field, days shortening in the change of closing time (9.30 to 9.00. and now 8.30) which is good for me, I like autumn, it means new starts and more time inside (being creative). I need to start noticing other things, like people on the train, then perhaps I can write about something other than nature.
3. struggling with time to be formally 'creative' - and space: no obvious space in the new house to paint. But I've also decided that I need to concentrate on the writing for now. and all the knotty issues round that - finding readers, will it get published? does it matter?
1. clearing blocks: changing the hoover bag was important. It meant I could tick it off an internal 'do list', which freed up time to do other things ( how creative can you be if every time you see the living room carpet you think 'I must empty the bag'? that kind of thinking spiral down). And it worked metaphorically: it was a mental/emotional unblocking of a humble kind. I then got down to finishing the NIP.
2. noticing what I see on the daily dog walk: the first acorns falling, the first blackberries, the shapes of trunks and branches, and the feelings that go with these, the sense of freedom in the top field, days shortening in the change of closing time (9.30 to 9.00. and now 8.30) which is good for me, I like autumn, it means new starts and more time inside (being creative). I need to start noticing other things, like people on the train, then perhaps I can write about something other than nature.
3. struggling with time to be formally 'creative' - and space: no obvious space in the new house to paint. But I've also decided that I need to concentrate on the writing for now. and all the knotty issues round that - finding readers, will it get published? does it matter?
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
Work and creativity
In theory I should be able to be creative at work and describe wonderful new ways of sorting files or tracking payments, but the truth is: this is NOT creative. It's a job. It pays for my house and my independence. I have gone past being creative at (this) work. My creativity, such as it is, goes into-
1. Walking through the park and thinking about the shapes of trees and the light through leaves, the yellow flowers by the small lake and the three white ducks on the branch, sitting at regular intervals. Perhaps I could paint the park at night, with glowing white ducks at the centre of it.
2. Listening to a concert at St James at lunchtime - 3 strings, a tenor clarinet and a 'hang', shaped a bit like a dustbin lid or barbecue (can be palyed both ways up) and sounding a bit like a Chinese zheng. And thinking about my singing lessons.
3. A line of poetry : ' the last time I saw you, we admired your chinese anemones' a poem about Carol, healing, the seasons.
1. Walking through the park and thinking about the shapes of trees and the light through leaves, the yellow flowers by the small lake and the three white ducks on the branch, sitting at regular intervals. Perhaps I could paint the park at night, with glowing white ducks at the centre of it.
2. Listening to a concert at St James at lunchtime - 3 strings, a tenor clarinet and a 'hang', shaped a bit like a dustbin lid or barbecue (can be palyed both ways up) and sounding a bit like a Chinese zheng. And thinking about my singing lessons.
3. A line of poetry : ' the last time I saw you, we admired your chinese anemones' a poem about Carol, healing, the seasons.
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
Not blogging but writing
1. Not getting distracted from main creative projects by smaller ones -
I've found that I can't blog from home, something about allowing cookies. I'm sure I could sort it out, but it suits me at the moment, not to be able to blog from home. It meant I had no excuse not to spend all the whole bank holiday weekend finishing the NIP.
2. Experiencing complete immersion in a creative project for the first time (and some parallels with being at the Reading Festival)-
By yesterday, day 3, I had got into the rhythm, and possibly the 'voice' too. It makes me wonder what else I could write if I didn't have to do so much other stuff like earning a living and looking after my family (what is left of it: I am now down to one daughter, one dog and two cats). It felt normal to spend all my waking hours writing or thinking about writing. What would have happened if my daughter had not come back from the Reading festival to rescue me from my sleep/food deprived existence? We compared our weekends: the only difference from the RF is that I had less alcohol available, oh and fewer men.
3. Thinking about finding a reader -
Today I print out the text, and think about reading it over tonight. Will I feel I can show it to anyone, and if so who?
I've found that I can't blog from home, something about allowing cookies. I'm sure I could sort it out, but it suits me at the moment, not to be able to blog from home. It meant I had no excuse not to spend all the whole bank holiday weekend finishing the NIP.
2. Experiencing complete immersion in a creative project for the first time (and some parallels with being at the Reading Festival)-
By yesterday, day 3, I had got into the rhythm, and possibly the 'voice' too. It makes me wonder what else I could write if I didn't have to do so much other stuff like earning a living and looking after my family (what is left of it: I am now down to one daughter, one dog and two cats). It felt normal to spend all my waking hours writing or thinking about writing. What would have happened if my daughter had not come back from the Reading festival to rescue me from my sleep/food deprived existence? We compared our weekends: the only difference from the RF is that I had less alcohol available, oh and fewer men.
3. Thinking about finding a reader -
Today I print out the text, and think about reading it over tonight. Will I feel I can show it to anyone, and if so who?
Thursday, 21 August 2008
Domestic crises and the end of creativity
1. A series of domestic crises and a sleepless night, and any creative thoughts disappear. I can't remember the walk in the park this morning.
2. I put out with the recycling two printouts of the NIP. Is this sensible? Do I trust my virtual world?
3. Will I be able to write this weekend as planned? how do I clear my mind of impending (and present) disasters sufficiently to enjoy being on my own and writing?
2. I put out with the recycling two printouts of the NIP. Is this sensible? Do I trust my virtual world?
3. Will I be able to write this weekend as planned? how do I clear my mind of impending (and present) disasters sufficiently to enjoy being on my own and writing?
Wednesday, 20 August 2008
Creative teaching
1. I've started to think about my classes this autumn: must get organised and put together courses. I like teaching, I'm looking forward to meeting new students and getting inspired by them.
2. Had dinner with an old friend and talked about writing. I encouraged him to send his excellent story off to www.eastoftheweb. Today he e-mails to say he has taken the plunge. Or is it more like tombstoning that first time?
3. having a busy busy day at work and no time for creative thoughts. I almost forgot to do this. Now off to see the Wyndham Lewis portraits at the NPG: hope I'm not too tired to take them in.
2. Had dinner with an old friend and talked about writing. I encouraged him to send his excellent story off to www.eastoftheweb. Today he e-mails to say he has taken the plunge. Or is it more like tombstoning that first time?
3. having a busy busy day at work and no time for creative thoughts. I almost forgot to do this. Now off to see the Wyndham Lewis portraits at the NPG: hope I'm not too tired to take them in.
Tuesday, 19 August 2008
Singing in the rain
1. Yes, I've booked some singing lessons. It's part of the research project -what do I mean by 'voice'? I realised I'd always wanted to sing - and the reasons I don't sing are:
lack of confidence, worrying about being out of tune, my little sister telling me years ago when I sang in the primary school choir that I sang too loudly (and out of tune?)
2. This led me on to other problems with 'voice': I don't like speaking up in meetings in case I say 'the wrong thing' and make an idiot of myself. Under this is a deep lack of confidence in myself, especially at work.
3. And yes, it's also a lack of confidence in my writing voice. They are all linked together. How can you have a 'voice' as a writer if you are not confident in yourself as a person? So the idea is: face some of these fears, book some singing lessons! I'll let you know what happens...
lack of confidence, worrying about being out of tune, my little sister telling me years ago when I sang in the primary school choir that I sang too loudly (and out of tune?)
2. This led me on to other problems with 'voice': I don't like speaking up in meetings in case I say 'the wrong thing' and make an idiot of myself. Under this is a deep lack of confidence in myself, especially at work.
3. And yes, it's also a lack of confidence in my writing voice. They are all linked together. How can you have a 'voice' as a writer if you are not confident in yourself as a person? So the idea is: face some of these fears, book some singing lessons! I'll let you know what happens...
Monday, 18 August 2008
Creativity private and public
1. I've been thinking about why this blog works: it's private but could become public if I so decided to tell others. This liminal place suits me. I was very pleased to see in Sarah's blog last week the phrase 'writing is what makes us writers' not the being published bit, though that certainly helps. I was delighted to see my poem in the Folio last week, though I couldn't actually bring myself to read it. All I could think was that I should have changed the last line, rather than revelling in all the other lines.
2. Still on the theme of getting published... been looking up agents now that the NIP is almost there. I worked on it all day on Saturday, read it through, and made some lingering decisions that have been holding me up (but also keeping options open). I'm not going to anguish any longer, just get it finished and off. There's all the time in the world to fiddle with it after that.
3. And so with the ending of a major project comes the question what next? and there are other projects all lined up behind it. I want to concentrate on stories for the rest of the year, but then there's the 'Blue Azaleas' to revise, the Slovak novel, the garden one to do...oh, and another idea I'll tell you about tomorrow.
2. Still on the theme of getting published... been looking up agents now that the NIP is almost there. I worked on it all day on Saturday, read it through, and made some lingering decisions that have been holding me up (but also keeping options open). I'm not going to anguish any longer, just get it finished and off. There's all the time in the world to fiddle with it after that.
3. And so with the ending of a major project comes the question what next? and there are other projects all lined up behind it. I want to concentrate on stories for the rest of the year, but then there's the 'Blue Azaleas' to revise, the Slovak novel, the garden one to do...oh, and another idea I'll tell you about tomorrow.
Friday, 15 August 2008
Liminal states
More thoughts on why I've been less creative recently -
1. An interesting piece on Jeanette Winterson's site, about how creativity is linked to being 'open'. I realise I've been concentrating on surviving, and I have closed down to many things that were feeding me. How do I open up again?
2. She also talks about creativity thriving in 'liminal states' -
There’s a common myth that creativity is linked to dark states and depression; it isn’t anything like as simple as that. I think it is to do with being open, which you have to be if you want to be honest in your work, and it is to do with the liminal state of creativity – a place that happens on the cusp or the boundary of two worlds and is exhausting, exhilarating, but also frightening, and full of shapes that are unknown.
And that's the problem really- because we long for stability, and need a certain amount of routine for being creative, but if we lose this ability to be homest and on the cusp, then the creativity goes.
3. It reminded me of a poem I wrote early in the MA about liminal places - beaches, hearths and celtic myth. It never worked, but maybe I understand it now. I knew that I had to put myself on the boundary of two worlds, and I knew it would be a risk. I wrote another poem around that time called 'Apple', about Eve daring to snatch the apple. She wasn't tricked, she wanted to bring about change.
1. An interesting piece on Jeanette Winterson's site, about how creativity is linked to being 'open'. I realise I've been concentrating on surviving, and I have closed down to many things that were feeding me. How do I open up again?
2. She also talks about creativity thriving in 'liminal states' -
There’s a common myth that creativity is linked to dark states and depression; it isn’t anything like as simple as that. I think it is to do with being open, which you have to be if you want to be honest in your work, and it is to do with the liminal state of creativity – a place that happens on the cusp or the boundary of two worlds and is exhausting, exhilarating, but also frightening, and full of shapes that are unknown.
And that's the problem really- because we long for stability, and need a certain amount of routine for being creative, but if we lose this ability to be homest and on the cusp, then the creativity goes.
3. It reminded me of a poem I wrote early in the MA about liminal places - beaches, hearths and celtic myth. It never worked, but maybe I understand it now. I knew that I had to put myself on the boundary of two worlds, and I knew it would be a risk. I wrote another poem around that time called 'Apple', about Eve daring to snatch the apple. She wasn't tricked, she wanted to bring about change.
Thursday, 14 August 2008
Secret blogging
I am enjoying keeping this secret blog. It means I can forget about readers and concentrate on finding what I have to say and how I want to say it. I don't want it to become a straightjacket like last time (with all the madness that comes with that image). I don't want this blog to become something else I have to do. There is no fun in that.
My three things for today:
1. making fairy cakes last night for B's friend Helen who is 17 today, and yes, they still appreciate fairy cakes. I wanted to put the more visually satisfying red cherries on top of the white icing but B chose pastel sprinkles. I let her have her way: I can always sneak the cherries out of the pot.
2. reading 'The Reluctant Fundamentalist': a very powerful monologue (similar to 'Embers'). I can hardly put it down, the voice is so strong and compelling. I'd like to try something like this: maybe for the garden story I've been thinking about
3. walking the dog in the park and thinking about the body: how all that poetry I wrote came from a time when I'd reconnected with my body, and now I've lost it again. Time to do swimming, dancing, singing...
My three things for today:
1. making fairy cakes last night for B's friend Helen who is 17 today, and yes, they still appreciate fairy cakes. I wanted to put the more visually satisfying red cherries on top of the white icing but B chose pastel sprinkles. I let her have her way: I can always sneak the cherries out of the pot.
2. reading 'The Reluctant Fundamentalist': a very powerful monologue (similar to 'Embers'). I can hardly put it down, the voice is so strong and compelling. I'd like to try something like this: maybe for the garden story I've been thinking about
3. walking the dog in the park and thinking about the body: how all that poetry I wrote came from a time when I'd reconnected with my body, and now I've lost it again. Time to do swimming, dancing, singing...
Wednesday, 13 August 2008
The second day
1. Today I can look back and say that one of my creative things yesterday was starting this blog.
2. Could I argue that another thing was emptying the hoover bag after (???) months? Would this would fit Twyla Tharp's definition of creativity? It was certainly very satisfying to get this done, but no, not really creative, but it did involve a shift of focus, from 'there is a strange smell coming from the hoover and a lack of enthusiasm to shift the dog hair' to 'there is a solution and I am going to do this now!' Plus I now have a lovely deep red Afghan carpet again.
OK, still not 'creative' - because all I had to do with fix on a new bag, rather than design one from newspaper. I didn't find a new solution, or do anything I hadn't done before, but I am still feeling very pleased with myself. Of course I know the truly creative person would never ever empty their own hoover bag, or even own a hoover. I've got a long way to go.
3. Putting a plant on my desk. It's been shivering on the window sill over the air conditioning vent for months now. This morning I noticed it and empathised. I hope it will now produce blue flowers for me.
2. Could I argue that another thing was emptying the hoover bag after (???) months? Would this would fit Twyla Tharp's definition of creativity? It was certainly very satisfying to get this done, but no, not really creative, but it did involve a shift of focus, from 'there is a strange smell coming from the hoover and a lack of enthusiasm to shift the dog hair' to 'there is a solution and I am going to do this now!' Plus I now have a lovely deep red Afghan carpet again.
OK, still not 'creative' - because all I had to do with fix on a new bag, rather than design one from newspaper. I didn't find a new solution, or do anything I hadn't done before, but I am still feeling very pleased with myself. Of course I know the truly creative person would never ever empty their own hoover bag, or even own a hoover. I've got a long way to go.
3. Putting a plant on my desk. It's been shivering on the window sill over the air conditioning vent for months now. This morning I noticed it and empathised. I hope it will now produce blue flowers for me.
Tuesday, 12 August 2008
Because creativity is good for us...so why do I never find the time?
I have finally got round to starting another blog. The last one, chickenlit, was great fun, though it was hard to carry on after the fox ate all the chickens. But that was then and here is now: no more chickens, and a new idea - I'm going to track my life this time, and in particular my creative life, which I think needs fattening up. So following on from Clare's brilliant idea I'm going to think of three creative things each day: creative thoughts, ideas, writing, different ways of doing things... the whole idea being to see what happens.
Today's three creative things- an idea for a painting, a question about creative life, and something I should do today
1. looking at the view of the spire of the local church from my window, and thinking how much more dramatic it might be at angle rather than straight up. I mean, if I were to paint it...
2. on the way to the traffic lights, glimpsing through a window a large painting of a nude against a dark background, diagonal across the canvas (see above). Who painted her? Does she live in that house?
3. looking over the new start to my NIP (novel in progress) to see if the voice is any better than before.
Today's three creative things- an idea for a painting, a question about creative life, and something I should do today
1. looking at the view of the spire of the local church from my window, and thinking how much more dramatic it might be at angle rather than straight up. I mean, if I were to paint it...
2. on the way to the traffic lights, glimpsing through a window a large painting of a nude against a dark background, diagonal across the canvas (see above). Who painted her? Does she live in that house?
3. looking over the new start to my NIP (novel in progress) to see if the voice is any better than before.
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